Storytelling Mishap
by reincarnatedwitch
Summary: When Howard tells Vince the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, a strange creature mistakes them for the mythical charcters and transports them to the world of myths. How will they get home? And what will happen when the myth starts becoming a reality?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I can't help it! Ideas just hit me and it's impossible to resist, *breaks down crying* the cold war will just have to wait.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mighty Boosh. Nor do I own the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. (Said myth is written below so as to help you understand what is happening). **

_**Orpheus and Eurydice story**__** is an ancient Greek tale of **__**love**__**. Orpheus fell deeply in love with (and married) Eurydice, a beautiful nymph. They were very much in love and very happy together. Aristaeus, a Greek god of the land, became quite fond of Eurydice, and actively pursued her. While fleeing from Aristaeus, Eurydice ran into a nest of snakes which bit her fatally on her legs. Distraught, Orpheus played such sad songs and sang so mournfully that all the nymphs and gods wept. On their advice, Orpheus travelled to the underworld and using his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone (he was the only person ever to do so), who agreed to allow Eurydice to return with him to earth on one condition: he should walk in front of her and not look back until they both had reached the upper world. In his anxiety he forgot that both needed to be in the upper world, and he turned to look at her, and she vanished for the second time, but now forever.**_

Chapter 1

Howard and Vince were sat side-by-side on the small sofa in front of the even smaller TV. Howard was trying and failing to read a book; failing because, of course, Vince was fidgeting and trying to get his attention.

"Howard? Howard, Howard, Howaaarrrddd!" Each call being accompanied by a sharp poke.

"Vince…" Howard warned, not looking up from his page, "If you are trying to waste my time…"

"No." Vince said sulkily. "I just wanted to know what you were reading."

In truth, he had wanted to break the silence that had enveloped the flat. Bollo and Naboo were in Naboo's room; getting wasted probably, and Colobus the crab didn't start for another hour. He didn't even have any evening plans. And Leroy was out hang-gliding.

"What?" Howard questioned, surprised. "_You_ are interested in what _I'm_ reading?"

"Well don't act so surprised. And if you're not going to tell me then I might as well just go and find something else to do…" Vince teased, he like it when Howard was like this; willing to just spend time with him. They hadn't had a moment like this since the zoo.

"No! No, stay here." Howard said, a little too quickly and loudly. He coughed, embarrassed, before continuing, "This is a book of myths. There are many stories in here, yes sir. Stories of real men-of-action, fighting dragons and-"

"Are there any unicorns?" Vince interrupted. Howard looked into his innocent eyes, and he didn't want to tell him that as far as he knew, there weren't even any unicorns in mythology.

"Not as yet, little man." He replied instead. Vince sighed,

"What are you reading about then?"

"This is the story of Orpheus and Eurydice."

"They sound a bit poncy. Not sure we'd get on." Vince said, wrinkling his nose at the Greek names.

"Vince, you know nothing of them!" Howard replied, trying to sound as if he was annoyed at the smaller man's conclusion. But secretly he was just enjoying the banter, and hoping that Vince wouldn't ask him to tell him more about the two characters; as he hadn't actually read that story yet.

"Read it to me." Vince whispered quietly.

"wh-what?"

"Read it to me, tell me about them. Please Howard?"

Howard recovered from the shock enough to realise that inside his chest his heart was doing somersaults. 'Vince needed him. He wanted him, Howard Moon, to read to him' he couldn't stop his smile from spreading across all his features.

"Ahh, if you insist…" he replied; and began the story of the two Greeks, changing it slightly so as to make it more interesting to Vince.

Vince sighed happily, and snuggled against Howard's arm, his hair brushing slightly against his neck. He closed his eyes and just let Howard's smooth voice wash over him.

"A long long time ago, there lived a man of action, by the name of Orpheus. He was tall, dark and handsome; with chocolatey hair and a small but manly moustache. He was blessed with a surprising amount of knowledge about the wilderness, which he had picked up from reading many scrolls."

"He sounds well boring." Piped up Vince from his position beside Howard, where he was peering over his arm to try and see if there were any pictures.

"Shhhh, he was a brave man, yes sir."Howard scolded him, before turning his attention back to the story. "Where was I? Oh yes; it was because of this knowledge of the wilderness that he often camped in the forests around the city where he lived. One day as he was lying beneath the stars he happened to glimpse a movement in one of the bushes. Being a very well organised man he produced a sword from beneath his cloak and began to move towards the noise. He went to attack but noticed that instead of a dragon or a, erm, unicorn there was a young lady."

"A unicorn wouldn't hurt him anyway." Vince mumbled. The prodded Howard with his elbow "Go on then, what happened next?"

"Well if you didn't keep interrupting…"

"Get on with it" Vince whined, and snuggled deeper into Howard's armpit, smiling happily.

"Fine." Howard huffed "instead of it being a dragon or a unicorn, that I am reliably informed wouldn't have hurt him anyway, there was a young lady. A nymph to be precise. She was pale as, ermm, cream, with glossy hair of a raven black colour. When Orpheus' brown eyes met her blue, they both fell deeply in love. "Here Howard glanced from the book to gauge Vince's reaction, and found the young man to be looking up at him, their eyes met and they both blushed, turning away embarrassed.

A loud cracking noise ruined their little moment, and the book jumped suddenly from Howard's hand where it fell onto the floor, the pages whipping about wildly, although there was no wind. The pair jumped up, shocked, and found themselves unable to move from the shock as a skeletal hand reached out of the book and slowly a figure heaved its way into view.

Howard was terrified, and Vince was terrified. He gripped Howards arm as Howard tried to subtly place himself between the _thing_, and Vince. There was a rasping noise, like rusty metal against stone, and they realised that the hooded figure now stood in front of them was laughing. The unnatural wind still whipped around the room; freezing the two men to the spot. It then spoke;

"I see you tell stories well, Orpheus, even after all these years."

Howard could only stand in shock, as his brain tried to make sense of the creature's accusation.

"n-no, I'm Howard. Howard T."

"Your new name does not interest me. You cannot escape your myth. Not even by creating a new identity and travelling to the future. You belong with in my world." Here, he stopped, having only just seemed to have noticed Vince who was cowering behind Howard's arm. "Ahhh" the figure sighed. "And you Eurydice, you are _mine_."

And with that, he flung his robes aside, giving Howard and Vince a quick glance at a rotting body, before a bright light encased them all and they disappeared into the book. Then with a 'Pop' the book disappeared, following them to the strange world in which they now resided.

….

Upstairs in the flat, Naboo shivered slightly. "Ergh" he lisped "Stick the heating on will you Bollo?"

The Gorilla did, and the two of them sat happily with the hookah. Completely unaware of the peril that their flatmates now found themselves in.

**Another A/N: please review and tell me if you want this continued :) Also if someone could explain to me the difference between hits and visits it would be much appreciated. Oh, and do people always reply to reviews? Because if you want me to, I will :)**

**So yeah, reviews? It will make reading about Stalin a little more bearable. :') **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: thanks to everyone who reviewed :) I also love Greek mythology, it's just so romantic *sigh* :')  
>Oh Oh Oh! Exciting times! I was watching an Interview with Noel Fielding on YouTube and it turns out he has done two Greek Mythology paintings! Here's the link if you're interested, just remove the spaces :) h t t p: w w w.y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = CcgYhCjNgHA&feature=related**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice. Nor do I own the Boosh. I only own the ideas in my brain, and sometimes I'm not even sure of that :') **

Chapter 2

Howard woke up lying on a bed of leaves, with the sun leaving red burns on his skin from where it had filtered through the canopy of trees above him. Sitting up, he groaned in frustration when he realised he was in a deserted forest, not the nice bright living room at the Nabootique. Putting his hands behind him to heave himself upright, his fingers collided with something, and he almost had a heart attack. Because as much as he liked to boast that he was a 'man of the forest' and that he 'knew much about the wilderness, yes sir' he really didn't like bugs, or rain, or fresh-air. He'd much rather be sat at home with some smooth jazz-funk and a good book. Speaking of which… Luckily for Howard he hadn't inadvertently punched a forest-creature, but had, in fact, smashed his hand into the book that had brought them here. Groaning again, he pushed it away. If anyone could think of something he wanted to see _less_ at that moment he would be surprised.

What he _did_ want to see was Vince, who had, in fact, gone missing. Howard couldn't see any sign of him anywhere; not a dent in the leaves nor a piece of stray glitter. He sighed. This was so typical. Whenever they managed to get themselves into a dangerous situation Vince would bugger off and get lost somewhere. It had happened last time they were in a wood; with the Hitcher, in the tundra (he tried not to think about how _he_ had actually been to blame for that one) and when he was getting, ermm, _'close'_ to Eleanor. After scanning the immediate area for any signs of the futuristic prostitute; and finding none, he sat back down and settled in for a long wait whereby the smaller man would eventually find his way back to him. That's just how it worked. They always found their way back to each other.

It was only as he attempted to cross his legs that he noticed that he wasn't exactly wearing his own clothes anymore. He looked at his garments in disgust. He was wearing something flowing and white, completely over the top and far too uncomfortable for a man of action such as himself. As he grabbed at the fabric to try and work out what it actually _was,_ (he was becoming increasing worried it was a dress), a horrible thought occurred to him. His head still hurt from where he had whacked it against the ground when he had been transported here, ergo he was not dreaming. Which in turn meant that someone had swapped his clothes; because he was pretty damn certain he hadn't been dressed as a Greek back at the flat. He blushed at the thought, and bowed his head. Whereupon he remembered what it was he was wearing. A robe. And on his feet were brown rope sandals. He shuddered at having to wear sandals with no socks. Reaching tentatively towards his head, he was rewarded by finding a circle of leaves placed there. He gulped.

"Vince had better get here soon"

…..

About half-an-hour later (according to Howard's calculations) he heard a rustling in the leaves behind him. Startled, he slunk up to his feet, and picked the book up; intending to use it as a weapon against whatever horrible creature lurked in the undergrowth.

He heard a whisper coming from the bush and was happily surprised to hear that it was Vince, "Howard!" he hissed. "Is that you?"

"Of course it's me you berk, who else would be casually sitting in a forest at this time in the afternoon?" Howard replied, lowering the book in relief and stepping toward the bush.

"Well I just wanted to make sure…" came the mumbled reply, before Vince stepped out into the clearing. "Don't you bloody dare laugh." He warned.

Howard had no intention of laughing. In fact, he was struck almost dumb by the sight in front of him. Vince was wearing a dress. A green, floaty dress that looked as though it had grown on him; rather than was being worn. All through his raven-black hair was scattered leaves and twigs; but instead of making him look dirty, he looked like a natural part of the forest. He looked at Vince's face, aware that he had been staring silently for a _little_ too long to find that Vince was blushing, and looking him up and down as well.

"What?" Howard questioned, only now aware of Vince's scrutiny of his appearance.

"Nothing. It's just, it kinds suits you y'know, the Greek look. Makes you look kinda rugged." He blushed again, his eyes not loosing contact with Howards. Who coughed nervously and looked away, swinging his arms.

"So, I guess we need to try and work out 'ow to get home then?" Vince said in his usually jokey tone, trying to lighten the suddenly charged air. "I don't fancy staying in a forest for the rest of forever."

Howard laughed and agreed. "As long as that creepy bloke doesn't come back, I suggest we try and contact Naboo. If only we knew how to…" Vince nodded in agreement. Then he had an idea;

"I know Howard! That book brought us here right?" he said, gesturing at the discarded mythology book on the forest floor. Howard nodded, so he continued "so, I bet it can take us home! It'll be just like the Wizard of Oz. Genius."

"Except without the lion, tin man, scarecrow, dog, red shoes and stuff?" Howard teased.

"Shut up" Vince replied, shoving his shoulder and winking. "It's worth a try right?"

Howard nodded and sat down on the floor, dragging the heavy book over to wear he was sitting. Vince sat next to him, and Howard tried not to notice how the thin material of his dress clung to his legs as he settled on the floor. Now was neither the time nor the place.

He heaved the book open to where he had left off the night before, and was met with a disturbing sight. Instead of the double page of text there had been the night before, there was now what appeared to be a story-board, with empty boxes where the key parts of the story should be. The first box was filled in with a photograph of not 10 minutes ago, when he and Vince had found each other. It was annotated:

'Orpheus meets Eurydice' 

"This is that weird man again isn't it?" Vince said fearfully. "I don't like it Howard, how did he get that picture? There isn't anyone here. And I'm not some ancient nymph; I'm not even a woman for Christ's sake! I want to go home!" He chewed at his lip, tears threatening to fall over the edge of his eyelids. Howard pulled him close for a hug.

"Now, now, little man, it'll be alright. We've been in far worse situations before remember? And we always got out of those ok. We'll find out how, don't worry." He patted his back in what he hoped was a reassuring way, as he felt Vince shuddering slightly with sobs. A few minutes later, Vince pulled back,

"Fanks h'ward." He smiled, rubbing the last of the tears from his eyes. "I just, I'm a bit scared you know?"

"Understandably little man." Howard smiled back at him. "Now, where were we?" he pulled the book onto his lap, and flicked towards the contents page.

What he didn't expect to see was a letter addressed to him. He began to read, with Vince leaning over his shoulder, a few lines behind.

'Dear Howard' (It read) 'or should I say _Orpheus_? You will have, by now, realised that you are in ancient Greece. The time of your myth. If you wish to prove to me that you are in fact _not_ Orpheus (as you claim), you must complete the myth as it was told, but this time make it out alive. If I am right about who you are (and I know I am) then I shall be having some fun watching you fail to stay together again. We shall meet soon; until then, enjoy what little time you have left together.'

He gulped at the barely disguised threat, and turned to look at what Vince's reaction to the letter would be. Vince visibly shuddered and gripped Howards arm tightly.

"What does that mean Howard?" he whispered. "What happens in the rest of the myth?"

Howard was scared now. The threat wouldn't bother him so much, (he had cheated death many times before), except it threatened to take Vince away from him. The man who wrote it was obviously a psychopath, and a powerful one at that. With enough magic to transport them back in time.

"I don't know Vince" He whispered, his growing fears evident in his voice. "I didn't get to read the end of the myth."

…..

Underground, in a cave lined with human bones and various torture tools sat the cloaked man who had brought them here; Hades. He was grinning at the sight of the two figures huddled together as it was reflected in his crystal ball. "Soon," he whispered to himself, "Soon, Eurydice, you will be mine again…" and with that he burst into the cackle of evil laughter that villains always seem able to achieve.

…..

Back at the Nabootique Naboo stumbled down the stairs from his room, to find the flat empty. Reaching for a resolve to clear his muddled thoughts he frowned. He could've sworn the two ball bags would have been sat here like they were last night. It was Sunday so the shop wouldn't be open, in fact, it was still closed for refurbishment after Vince had that accident with the cockroach eyes. He winced; he hadn't needed to see _that_.

He knew they weren't in their room because the door had been open and their beds were made. They wouldn't have gone out because it was _far_ too early for Vince to have reached the level of perfection he needed if he was going to leave the flat. So if they weren't at the flat, they weren't in bed, and they weren't out… where were they?

He scrunched his eyes up in thought. Then remembered it was too early to be doing any serious thinking anyway, and clambered back up the stairs to bed. Whatever they were doing; he was sure they could work it out themselves.

**Another A/N on a completely different topic, have you seen some of the fan art people do? Crazy times :') I wish I could draw like that, but I can do unrealistic drawings at best :')**

**Reviews please? I have Russian exams all day tomorrow :'(**


End file.
